Whether it's a small off-site corporate meeting, a networking event or party, or the total annihilation of most life on Earth, we here at eVenues believe that there is the perfect space for every occasion.
While we officially do not believe the world will end today, we do like to be prepared. What with the speculations of deadly superflu viruses that threaten to destroy humankind, asteroids, zombies, nuclear holocausts, robot slave rebellions, and apocalyptic demons summoned by evil wizards, there's plenty to be concerned about. Do not fear. Our crack research team went out and found the best venues available should the world end.
Here they are:
A Room of Requirement
Considering that it's a room that furnishes itself with whatever you need (except in-house catering), rooms of requirement are an excellent choice should you be confronted with an armies of evil wizards or a run of the mill zombie horde. Each room of requirement comes fully equipped with essentials like fanged frisbees--just what you need should the world be overrun by unspeakable evils.
What’s that you say? Magical rooms of requirement don’t exist? Then why is there a listing on eVenues?
A Biker Shop
This really is the best place to be if you’re anticipating a nuclear holocaust. We all know that when the world turns into a desolate, dusty wasteland the only thing that’s going to save you is a baddass leather jacket and aviator glasses. A good biker shop should be replete with these essentials. While the evenues staff knows all and sees all, we have selfishly reserved all the biker shops for ourselves. We’ll let you know if we have any spares.
Chuck Norris' House
Martian invasion? Meh. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that’s why there’s no signs of life.
Overpopulation? This is only a problem if Chuck Norris gets tired of allowing so many people to live.
Since Chuck Norris’ house comes equipped with ICBMs, laser gun turrets, and reinforced titanium walls, we believe that this could be the safest place in the world...granted that Chuck doesn’t feel like roundhouse kicking you to the face. Get on his good side by liking this facebook page, and you’re set.
eVenues does not have any rooms in Chuck Norris’ house listed, but we do have dojos rentable by the hour. While it’s not quite the same as Chuck Norris, at least you’ll have an army of badass black belts to protect you in the case of an impending zombie or motorcycle bandit gang attack.
Note: There’s is a 50% chance that the apocalypse will be caused by Chuck Norris. In that case, you’re out of luck.
A Warehouse Full of Exploding Barrels
We don’t know why, but whenever heroes in action movies shoot a barrel it will usually set off an explosion. Since the explosions never seem to injure the heroes themselves, we feel that this would be an ideal venue for you to rent out in the event of a zombie apocalypse. eVenues does have barrel rooms for rent, but to the best of our knowledge these barrels do not explode when you shoot them (we respectfully ask that you do not try).
Martha Stewart's Kitchen
Martha Stewart's Kitchen is perfect in every way, from the shelf of Chinese teapots to the Russian honeys strategically placed above a phone and walkie talkie, to the doggie wardrobe and toy repository--this place shouldn’t exist. Since nothing on the planet could be so perfect, we are convinced that the kitchen is actually part of a parallel universe. Should any catastrophic event should befall the planet, this could very well be the safest place (not) on Earth.
Zombie Apocalypse Public Service announcement photo by: Dr. Stephen Dann
Photo of Toxic Barrels By: Aidan Morgan
Martha Stewart Photo By: David Shankbone
Research on Chuck Norris provided by the fine folks at chucknorrisfacts.com.